Super Casey
by Wepdiggy
Summary: A series of drabbles that parody the way John Casey is portrayed by some authors within the Chuck fanfiction community. Intended for amusement only, as I never mean what I say. Please read and review.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck. I also don't write fics that make Casey out to be some kind of Don Juan, so I don't own that idea either. This is all a work of parody. _

_Summary: A series of drabbles about the depiction of John Casey by some fanfiction authors that should only be taken with a grain of salt, as they are intended all in good fun.  
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_A/N: Okay, so the "King of All Chuck Parody" (just a name I'm trying on for size) has another one for ya. Awhile back, **Verkisto **told me I should do a parody of the over-the-top nature that some people write Casey's character. I decided that there are two ways that this happens. Sometimes an author makes Casey out to be some kind of love machine, and sometimes they make him out to be an invincible warrior. Well, I will play around with both of those ideas eventually. For starters though, we'll deal with the love machine Casey. I hope you enjoy, and please review. Thanks!

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_**Scene 1: From Chuck vs. the Intersect (aka the pilot)**  
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"Okay. I may have to aim my gun at you, so just don't freak out."

"Why?" Chuck asked. Then looking down, "And where did your pants go?"

"Shit!" Sarah exclaimed.

"What is it?"

"It's John Casey: world famous lover," Sarah said matter-of-factly.

"Should that make sense to me?" Chuck asked.

"Well, duh, Chuck. He's John Casey. He can cause people to orgasm just by looking at them. No person, man nor woman, can resist his charms."

"So you took your pants off?" Chuck asked.

"I didn't, Chuck. It's just, when John Casey is around, your pants just disappear."

"That kind of sounds like bullshit, Sarah," Chuck said, unconvinced.

"Chuck?" Sarah drawled. "You're not wearing pants."

Chuck looks down to see that in fact his pants had also disappeared. Although he'd never harbored thoughts for another man, not even his almost girl-like pretty college roommate, the thought of someone that had that type of power over other people was almost intoxicating. Chuck could already feel himself falling in love with the man that he'd never met before.

Sarah had run into John Casey on multiple occasions. The first time, she'd been a head strong young agent, hell-bent on being the best in her field. She'd even managed to avoid the charms of the great Agent Casey. That was, until a more experienced enemy agent had gotten the drop on her and mortally wounded her. Then Casey had ridden in as if on a white horse. He'd killed every baddie in the room even as Sarah took her last breath. But then, Casey had made love to her, bringing her back to life.

"He's mine!"

"He's mine!" Chuck and Sarah said at almost the same time.

"Calm down," Casey said gruffly, finally making his way to the top of platform of the helipad. "It's late, I'm tired. Let's cut the crap and you two tell me what's going on. Then I'll leave both of your bodies here, well sated and go out for a late snack. I'm thinking maybe pancakes."

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_A/N: You guys are awesome. Peace. _


	2. It's a bird It's a plane

_A/N: Okay, okay. It was time for another mocking of just how superior Casey is sometimes written. This time it's about his supreme manliness that some folks around the fandom seem to like to write. After all, no one can defeat Casey? Right? Well that's what this chapter is here to explore. Hopefully this gives you a laugh, and also I hope you enjoy it. Please review. Thanks!

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**Chapter 2: It's a bird, it's a plane...**

"I'm sorry General, there was nothing that could have been done," Casey said stoically, finishing up his report.

Beckman was visibly upset, and honestly what else was new? This time, however, she had good reason for her frustration. Bartowski, the human Intersect was dead. The moron had left the car again when he'd seen over the surveillance monitors that Walker had been shot. Then Chuck had run head first into the bad guys' lair unarmed. New Intersect or not, he hadn't had a prayer against a bunch of evil doers with guns.

Casey had tried to get over in time to save the nerd and the blonde, but he was engaged in fisticuffs with 70 or 80 Ring agents at the time, and even though he was more than holding his own (of course), the mass of humanity in front of him made aiding his team nearly impossible.

By the time the hunky NSA agent had managed to kill or disable all of the Ring presence in the building (probably around 230 people in total) single handedly, Bartowski had been mortally wounded.

When Casey arrived at the location of the other members of his team, Walker was on the floor, holding Bartowski's head in her lap. Covered in blood, a mix of her own and Chuck's, she was weeping openly and begging the nerd not to leave her all alone like her dad and Bryce had done to her.

It was a pathetic sight, if Casey had ever seen it. The CIA skirt was just blubbering away for no reason at all. All the tears in the world wouldn't help the Intersect at that point. He'd managed to pull the two star-crossed lovers from the floor, and then carried them both out over his shoulder. When medical help arrived, the EMT's confirmed what Casey already knew: Chuck was dead.

When they'd arrived back in Burbank, Casey had dumped his catatonic partner in a holding cell and set up a conference with Beckman to tell her the bad news.

"Casey, I think you know what has to be done," Beckman said.

"General, you don't mean—"

"Colonel, you know how important the Intersect is. And we can't afford to have one of our best agents on the shelf permanently with some kind of psychological breakdown. You must do what only you can do."

Casey sighed. It had been a long time since he'd done anything like what the General was asking of him. He'd briefly considered doing it back when he thought Ilsa had been blown up back in 2004, but he knew then that using such a power for personal gain would be wrong. He'd been rewarded for his selflessness three years later when he found out that his one true love had survived. But now, he was being ordered by a superior officer to use that power. At least it was for something greater than self. It was for the safety and protection of every American.

"If those are your orders," Casey said with a resigned tone.

"John, you know I wouldn't ask you to do this if it wasn't important," General Beckman answered with understanding.

"I know, General. It will be done."

As the video monitor faded to the DNI logo, Casey turned and walked out of Castle. Upon reaching the outside of the building, he looked around to make sure no one could see him. Not that it really mattered. In a matter of moments, no one would remember anyway. Then Casey took off, flying through the sky with an incredible speed. He quickly broke through the Earth's atmosphere, and in no time, he was in space above the planet.

Casey began a flight pattern around Earth that was opposite to the natural rotation the planet had. He flew faster and faster around the rock until finally, Earth began to spin backwards on its axis. Then, when he'd spun the world backwards just enough, and time had gone backwards twelve hours, he flew down to the location of the Ring hideout, rescued Bartowski and Walker just in time, and killed the bad guys with his laser vision.

Sarah looked up at her rescuer.

"Casey?" she asked shakily.

"It's alright, Sarah. Nothing can ever hurt this team as long as I'm around."

Then as Casey flew home, Sarah tucked under one arm and Chuck under the other, he smiled. He'd truly earned the visit from Dr. Bartowski-Woodcomb that he knew would be awaiting him back at home.

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_A/N: You guys are awesome. Peace. _


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